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These are just the right mix of douchy and nerdy I was looking for.


ordering pizza online is the best technological advancement since the internet itself




It didn’t matter in the end how old they had been, or that they were girls, but only that we had loved them, and that they hadn’t heard us calling, still do not hear us, up here in the tree house, with our thinning hair and soft bellies, calling them out of those rooms where they went to be alone for all time, alone in, which is deeper than death, and where we will never find the pieces to put them back together.

I preach body positivity all the fucking time but when it comes to liking my own body I’m shit


hi im sorry i couldnt see you there



a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

what the fuck






new undies: cute
stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

hey quick question: what’s your fuckin damage


Stretch Marks = cute

  • 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
  • me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance




I use to love coming home from school everyday to watch my favorite show Hamtaro (…and Salor Moon). But the best part of the show was the theme song!

This is my blog, welcome.
kik: vivianalana
instagram: cyclopsfellatio

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